I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
