If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
