she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I cut my penus on the lid.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
did i walk over a car last night?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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