She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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