It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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