Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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