so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
