i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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