no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
