you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
