You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Randomize
