Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
