Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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