Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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