He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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