mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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