tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
