I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
