I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
