if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The convent might be a nice break from real life
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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