So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
