Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
