I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
