Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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