I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
