my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
two words: eviction party
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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