Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
