No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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