My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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