it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
