Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize