At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
