you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
