you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
false alarm, still single
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
