She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
