And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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