Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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