I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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