I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
