We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
