we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
MIDGETS
????
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
