I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have already put on my inside pants.
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