Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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