The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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