I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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