Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
