put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She bit a glass in half.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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