allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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