he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My pussy is not your playground.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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