last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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