alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
