I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize