i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So many bounce houses so little time
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
