Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
