next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
