God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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