i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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