i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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