fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
