I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize