Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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