Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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