3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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