I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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