That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
