this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
