are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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