I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
