i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
