U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
