so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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