Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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