If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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