Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize