hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
