I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
