Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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