I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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