The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
worst night to have a conscience
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
