One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
