I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
