i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
its liver damage thursday
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
