Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
