hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Sober January is a disaster.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
