watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Randomize
