Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
