lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
