It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I enjoy the company of your penis
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
