Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We are all done wearing pants today
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
